Saying Goodbye to My Little Boy

Today is my son's birthday.

Clowning around with his sister.

I know this should bring happy thoughts and excitement, parties and celebrations, but this year I can't help but being a little sad.

I have always heard about people having a midlife crisis. They hit a certain age and become depressed with the knowledge that they are getting older. I think I might be having one of those. My thoughts race back to past times and my younger years. Times that were happy, and some that were sad. Times that I would never want to repeat, and yet there are some memories that I would like to experience again.

Date night with my little man.

But all of this has nothing to do with my age, not really. Even though I am in my 40s, I haven't hit an age that depresses me.

No, my midlife crisis has nothing to do with how old I'm getting, but how old my kids are getting.

It could be that the problem is made worse with all the babies that seem to be arriving. In fact we will have a new baby in our family in May (my great-nephew). Going against what I said in an earlier post, I am now looking at Drew and longing for the days when I could hold him and cuddle with him.

At our town's 2015 Christmas Parade.

This birthday is especially hard because we are having to say goodbye. Drew is now 10 so we are saying goodbye to the single digits. And while it is not unanimous on when the tween years officially begin, the consensus seems to be at age 10, which means we are also saying goodbye to childhood.

So this year we are celebrating Drew's birthday by going away. We were invited to stay with some friends at their land (in the Ozarks, people don't have vacation homes, they have "land") there will be no big "friend" birthday party, (well maybe later, it is his 10th afterall) just a basketball cake, good friends, and we will quietly say goodbye to childhood and hello to the tween years.

My Mona Drew

But somewhere deep inside, my little boy is still there.  The little boy who still calls me mama. The little boy that still let's me hug him and give him kisses. The little boy that still snuggles up to me on the couch while I'm reading aloud. But while that little boy is still there in certain ways,  it is getting harder with each passing year to still see the little boy in him. He is almost as big as I am.  And will soon be bigger.

So goodbye single digits, goodbye childhood, goodbye little boy. I know you are growing into a wonderful young man.

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