Throw Back Thursday: Embracing the "Lasts"

Thursday, August 27, 2015


 I'm taking a one week break from my regular throw back Thursday recipe post. I'm sorry to those who look forward to seeing it each week, but I promise I'll have one next week. 

Mama's birthday and Drew at nine months

There has been something that has been weighing on my heart and I just had to write about it.  In fact just thinking about it, I can already feel the tears start to well in my eyes. I'm sure at one time or another all moms go through this but I just didn't expect it to happen to me this soon.

Mama tickling Drew at two-years-old
So here it goes. My son is growing up. There. I said it. Yes I know that all kids grow up, but this is different. I was okay with him growing up into a toddler.  I was okay when he started preschool. I was okay when he started kindergarten. Alright, that last one is a lie. I was a complete basket case when he started kindergarten, but you catch my drift.  I knew he had to grow up, and I was going to be a strong mom.  I just knew it wouldn't bother me one bit! 

Mama kissing Drew at three-years-old
I used to imagine what kind of a man my son would become.  While I definitely did not want to wish my life or his away, I was excited to see the kind of person he would grow into.  I didn't think that him growing up would actually affect me.  I wasn't going to be like those other moms, the ones that cry and lament that their baby is gone.  No, I was going to relish the wonderful young man my son was becoming.  After all, it is just a fact of life and it has to happen!

Drew missing his two front teeth at four-years-old
Then things started happening this summer. Things I weren't prepared for.  I had to stop using the child-size hangers for his clothes and had to buy the adult-sized ones so his shirts would not fall off.  I began to notice that when I folded the laundry it was getting harder to tell the difference between his socks and his dad's socks.  I went to put on a pair of his flip flops he left beside the door so I could run out to the car. And they fit!  I looked at him sitting beside his dad on the couch one evening, and I noticed there wasn't as much of a size difference anymore.  But where it really hit me was when I took him to the dentist right before school started, and I was told that he had no more baby teeth.  It was all I could do to keep it together right there in the dentist's office!  The hygienist took one look at my face and knew I was about to lose it.  She had sympathy in her eyes for me and told me it was going to be okay. 

Drew at six-years-old right after a soccer game

That's when I knew. No longer am I just experiencing the "firsts," but now I have started experiencing the "lasts" with him. Before I had always thought about beginnings, and new things that my kids discovered, never the last thing they would do. And that is why this mother's heart is breaking.

Drew at seven-years-old having a shake with his aunt

I can no longer pick him up and carry him...when was the last time for that, how did I miss it?  No more tooth fairy...what night was the last time for that, why didn't I realize it?   I know he doesn't believe in Santa anymore from the things he says, but he keeps it quiet because of his little sister...when was the last time he believed? Last year? The year before that?  Where was I?  Why didn't I see this happening?

Drew at eight-years-old gearing up for football season

My heart aches and my eyes are stinging with tears.  My baby has grown.  He is growing.  And there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing.  I'm not sure how I am going to handle this.  I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep it together.  So I might have to reckon with myself that I have become one of those moms.  And you know what?  I'm okay with that. 

Drew at nine-years-old with a new haircut
Even though he is growing up fast, and he will soon be an official "tween," he still comes and gets in bed with me every morning.  He still asks "Mama will you hold me?"  And as I put my arm around him, I can't help thinking, will this be the last time? I know that day is coming. I'm not sure how I will handle it when I wake up one morning realizing that it has come.  But for now I am just going to cherish each one of those mornings...until the last

2 comments:

  1. Great post! It's sad kiddos grow too fast. Hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It has really hit me hard this year. Poor boy, every chance I get I grab him and hug him.

      Delete

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