The Problem with Valentine's Day

I humbly bring you this post, the day after Valentine's day to address something that has been weighing on my mind. And I also want to speak to the women out there that are degrading all the men that have chosen not to buy into the commercialization of Valentine's day.

I first want to say that I am a romantic type of girl. I love getting flowers and chocolates and being taken out for a nice dinner. I love spending time with my husband and going on dates with him. I say that because I don't want you to get me wrong when you read what I have written.  I am not against the idea of Valentine's day.

However, I think that Valentine's day has become overrated and too commercialized. It has now become a competition with who gets the most flowers, or the finest chocolates.  For our kids, it is who can create the most extreme Valentine box for the school party, or who gets flowers, balloons, and/or candy bouquets when they are in the 1st grade!

When I went to my daughter's school yesterday, I was shocked at all the bouquets of flowers, balloons, candy, and stuffed animals that were there waiting for the child to whom they were sent to be picked up. I just thought to myself, what has this day become?

When I was in school, we made our Valentine card holder in art class, and it was usually made out of construction paper, was almost always in the shape of a heart, and just big enough to hold the small paper Valentine's that we would bring for each other. And what about candy? Well, that was usually given to us by our teacher...in fact 9 times out of 10 it would be a box of conversation hearts.

As a child, I never received anything else. I didn't need to receive anything else. Parents' giving their children these ornate bouquets of flowers, candy, and soda are setting them up for a lifetime of expectation that will inevitably one day let them down. (Not to mention starting them on a road to poor health).

But what I really want to address is the fact that I have seen women take men to task because they do not want to get their wives or girlfriends something on Valentine's day. In fact I have seen these men berated in front of others because of this. Really? Did these women ever once ask why these men did not want to get something? Do you think it might be because the money needs to go to groceries rather than flowers? Or perhaps he is saving up to buy something bigger for her birthday or Christmas. In fact there are some that are more than likely still paying off Christmas bills.

Have you ever asked yourself if it is really that important for men to give gifts on Valentine's Day?

And what about women?  Why is all the blame laid upon men?  Don't men deserve to receive a Valentine's gift? If we are going to force men to give a gift, then shouldn't it be reciprocal? In fact this isn't supposed to be a day just for women. This is a day to show your love for one another, so...

Here is my answer: Valentine's day should be about love and mutual respect for one another.

This year is the first in the 15 years that my husband and I have been together (3 dating, 12 married) that he did not give me a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates on Valentine's day.  In fact I didn't even get a card from him! How horrible is that, right? Wrong. My husband works hard every day of the year to show me his love.  He does this by helping me with the housework. In fact, he is a much better cleaner than I am. He helps with the kids without my prodding. He listens to me when I need to vent. He holds me when I am feeling blue. And he makes me laugh when I desperately need a good laugh.

My husband shows me love every day of the year, not just on Valentine's day.

I tried to tell him this, to say that this was more important than gifts, but he kept saying, but..but..

No, I said. I would rather have a husband that shows me respect and love everyday of the year, than a husband who gives me flowers on Valentine's day out of obligation.

Women...when you start hounding men about not buying gifts on Valentine's day, stop and ask them how they treat their women the rest of the year. And women, start asking yourselves how you treat your men every day of the year. If you are berating each other into buying flowers and chocolate out of obligation, then the gesture doesn't mean jack!

So how did I celebrate Valentine's day? On the Friday before, I volunteered at my son's school for their Valentine fest, I ate lunch with him. I spent time with him. On Valentine's day, I ate lunch with my daughter at school, and I went to her Valentine's party. I spent time with her. 

That evening, I cooked a special meal, and made homemade brownies in a shape of a heart. I loved on my family and I spent time with them.

And how did my husband celebrate Valentine's day? By showing me love in all that he does. Every. Single. Day.

Leave a Comment family, holidays, love, Valentines

Throw Back Thursday: Our Anniversary!

Happy Thursday!  Fall has officially started which I am very excited about!  One other thing I am excited about is that tomorrow is my wedding anniversary.  My wonderful husband and I will be celebrating our 11th anniversary!

I would like to be able to say that it has been completely wonderful and a piece of cake, but I think any of you who are married would know that it would be a complete lie.  Marriage is not easy.  Marriage is hard work. There are times where you don't feel like putting in the work.  Times when things are so bad that you wonder if it would just be better to walk away.

I'm here to tell you that those bad times, the times that make you wonder, are the times that make the good ones even sweeter.  Working through the bad times and surviving is worth it in the end.

What has helped me and my husband is the fact that we truly love and respect each other.  Girls, I have to tell you I got a good one when I married this fella!  He treats me with respect, he loves me unconditionally, and he thinks I am the most beautiful woman on this earth!  And the best part is that I feel the same way about him.

So tomorrow, we are finally getting away and spending some time with each other.  If we are lucky, a couple of times a year we are able to get away for a day and a night.  Well for this anniversary, we are going to be gone a whole weekend!  We are also going to be doing something that I love to do that we haven't done in a long time!  We are going antiquing!  I already have some items on my list that I want to buy to restore for our home.  Hopefully I can find what I am wanting.  If I do I plan to share my projects with you!

The other exciting thing that is happening today is that we are getting new internet service.  As you would expect (from the title of my blog) we live in a very rural area and so our options are limited (one), until now.  We now have another option so we are going to go with that one and see how it works.  I am hopeful that our service will be better and more consistent.

So have a great weekend and next week I promise another recipe and the start of the Christmas series. See you then!

Leave a Comment anniversary, family, husband, love, marriage, wedding, wife

Throw Back Thursday: Embracing the "Lasts"

 I'm taking a one week break from my regular throw back Thursday recipe post. I'm sorry to those who look forward to seeing it each week, but I promise I'll have one next week. 

Mama's birthday and Drew at nine months

There has been something that has been weighing on my heart and I just had to write about it.  In fact just thinking about it, I can already feel the tears start to well in my eyes. I'm sure at one time or another all moms go through this but I just didn't expect it to happen to me this soon.

Mama tickling Drew at two-years-old

So here it goes. My son is growing up. There. I said it. Yes I know that all kids grow up, but this is different. I was okay with him growing up into a toddler.  I was okay when he started preschool. I was okay when he started kindergarten. Alright, that last one is a lie. I was a complete basket case when he started kindergarten, but you catch my drift.  I knew he had to grow up, and I was going to be a strong mom.  I just knew it wouldn't bother me one bit! 

Mama kissing Drew at three-years-old

I used to imagine what kind of a man my son would become.  While I definitely did not want to wish my life or his away, I was excited to see the kind of person he would grow into.  I didn't think that him growing up would actually affect me.  I wasn't going to be like those other moms, the ones that cry and lament that their baby is gone.  No, I was going to relish the wonderful young man my son was becoming.  After all, it is just a fact of life and it has to happen!

Drew missing his two front teeth at four-years-old

Then things started happening this summer. Things I weren't prepared for.  I had to stop using the child-size hangers for his clothes and had to buy the adult-sized ones so his shirts would not fall off.  I began to notice that when I folded the laundry it was getting harder to tell the difference between his socks and his dad's socks.  I went to put on a pair of his flip flops he left beside the door so I could run out to the car. And they fit!  I looked at him sitting beside his dad on the couch one evening, and I noticed there wasn't as much of a size difference anymore.  But where it really hit me was when I took him to the dentist right before school started, and I was told that he had no more baby teeth.  It was all I could do to keep it together right there in the dentist's office!  The hygienist took one look at my face and knew I was about to lose it.  She had sympathy in her eyes for me and told me it was going to be okay. 

Drew at six-years-old right after a soccer game

That's when I knew. No longer am I just experiencing the "firsts," but now I have started experiencing the "lasts" with him. Before I had always thought about beginnings, and new things that my kids discovered, never the last thing they would do. And that is why this mother's heart is breaking.

Drew at seven-years-old having a shake with his aunt

I can no longer pick him up and carry him...when was the last time for that, how did I miss it?  No more tooth fairy...what night was the last time for that, why didn't I realize it?   I know he doesn't believe in Santa anymore from the things he says, but he keeps it quiet because of his little sister...when was the last time he believed? Last year? The year before that?  Where was I?  Why didn't I see this happening?

Drew at eight-years-old gearing up for football season

My heart aches and my eyes are stinging with tears.  My baby has grown.  He is growing.  And there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing.  I'm not sure how I am going to handle this.  I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep it together.  So I might have to reckon with myself that I have become one of those moms.  And you know what?  I'm okay with that. 

Drew at nine-years-old with a new haircut

Even though he is growing up fast, and he will soon be an official "tween," he still comes and gets in bed with me every morning.  He still asks "Mama will you hold me?"  And as I put my arm around him, I can't help thinking, will this be the last time? I know that day is coming. I'm not sure how I will handle it when I wake up one morning realizing that it has come.  But for now I am just going to cherish each one of those mornings...until the last. 

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